Life's Expectations

So I was at the gym today jogging along and my mind got to thinking...about how my relationship with Tom unfolded and the women in my life that helped mold me to who I am and who I want to represent to my daughter...

(the first weekend Gramza visited me in NY, he REALLY liked me =P)



Before I ever met Gramza, I was very content with my life and I enjoyed every minute of it.  I was okay with whatever way it was going to turn out...if I was going to meet anyone or not, stay in NY and anything and everything.  I was able to travel and do the things I wanted to do.  Then I think back to when I met Gramza.  I thought nothing of him being someone in my life...no offense to him but I did think he was a nice person but I was not thinking of inserting a relationship of any kind.  I guess I was content with being alone...but the thing is, when Gramza entered my life everything about our timeline seems so relaxed, everything fell into place, and it was meant to be that way.  And when I found out we were both scorpios, I thought this is either going to work or not.  I'm not an astrological person but it did come to mine.  Needless to say, he makes me calm and became a great addition to my life...our baby's due date is 11/5, which is Gramza's birthday.  If that's not meant to be, than I don't know what is...

I have been very open with not having the maternal instinct...yet and just today I thought to myself, what kind of mother am I going to want to become.  I know there's no wrong or right answer and I thought of the women in my life...aunts, cousins, sisters...and mother's...my mother.  I thought about what she did to raise me and how our relationship is today...and thought that's the mother I want to be.  My ma has always been a woman who is sensitive, always wanted the best for me, gave me her opinions and helped me through everything.  She's a quiet soul who's experience everything from the sun and back.  She handles sitiuations with her head held high and at the same time presents a laid back personality that I adore.  Of course there's differences every now and then but respect is always present.  She's always trusted the decisions I've made and I thank her for pushing us toward independence.  I remember, when I graduated high school, she really wanted me to go to school out of the city.  I went 2.5 hours away to try it out but welcomed me back when I came back home to finish school.  She provided for my siblings and me...everything.  She's a funny woman that makes me laugh and still to this day cooks anything we request.  There's so much more about my ma that I can't even describe into words and that's exactly the person I want to try to become to my daughter.  Another women that I have met recently yet will be apart of our lives from this point foward is Gramza's mom, Mo.  At first it boggled my mind how children can call there mother by her first name, but quickly learned its a sign of recognition.  Not everyone can call her that...my point being and what I've quickly learned is that she helps when she can and is maybe as laid back as my ma.  Blessing, definitely.  Life expectation, most likely.

At this point in my life, I've been the most relaxed.  It's funny because my boss is probably the person that sees me on a daily basis.  She knows everything that's going on and she looks at me and says, "you're so zen"  Maybe I am, but this is where I'm supposed to be.  Right here, right now.