Tweedle Dee...

Tweedle Dumb?  Yup, that's me.  Or that's how I feel at the moment.  I'm either forgetting something or I'm losing my mind...sometimes I have conversations with Gramza and next thing you know he's asking me about something we talked about....and I have no recollection to what he's saying.  I completely forget.  Talk about not cool.  Work is a different story, I'm constantly writing EVERYTHING down...my morning lists, things I have to do, etc. etc. etc.  I really hope this is temporary but I hear it only gets worse.  Lord, help me.  =)

On another note, I'm starting to have fun with people.  Some co-workers ask me in the bathroom, hallway, pantry etc. if I'm pregnant.  I look them straight in the face and tell them..."no....why?"  For that split second, they look confused but I rescue them and tell them the truth.  I just ate too many hotdogs.  Again, I kid again.  We then go into stories about children and whether its a boy and a girl.  There's only so much I can say about a growing fetus in my belly.  "Yeah, I'm having a girl."  "I know, can't wait to dress her"  Followed by "girls are precious" yada yada yada

I actually ran into an old co-worker today waiting for the train, which I hadn't seen him since March.  We got to talking all the way back to NY.  He looked a bit concerned and gave the disclaimer "I know you're never supposed to ask but are you pregnant?"  I tell him the truth with the polite, "Yes, I am"  His response "Thank goodnes, congrats!  I was about to say I know you ran a lot and were thin but is that what happens when you stop"  No offense here, I just proceeded to tell him how I've been telling him how I sometimes say no when people ask me.  Again, he tells me, "nothing has changed I see, still giving people a hard time (or in lamens terms, you're such a jackass)".  But after all small talk, he kindly told me that I look really happy and pregnancy is doing me good.  Such a nice way to end the day =).

Well tomorrow is my 20 week sonogram and I'll probably update this thing again.  We can't wait to see her again.  Oh I forgot to mention, baby girl is starting to move! I started feeling her about a week or two ago and at first I thought it was gas, but later figured out nope, it's the baby.  She's probably doing tumbles and dancing in there,like the cha cha or something.  I just can't wait until Gramza can start feeling what I'm feeling...probably not for awhile.

My parents are in town this weekend.  Proud grandparents to watch Polina's dance recital.  Speaking of nieces, I told Polina that she has to show baby girl the ropes around this town...and what does she ask me, "Tita Leez, can she dance?"  I tell her, "no, not yet, but will you teach her?"  But Polina tells me, "but Tita Leez, she doesn't know how to dance."  Girl has high standards.  But Polina's told me the baby has to be this big before she comes out.  Which babygirl is in fact true.

I had a point, oh yes, my parents and Gramza's parents were supposed to meet this weekend...unfortunately, we had to cancel due to unexpected circumstances and Gramza's parents couldn't drive up...next time.

I'll continue later with more updates...we're getting ready for a thing and I'll expand on that tomorrow or so.  Gramza is coming into town tonight and staying all the way until after July 4th.  So great,  he's going to be showing me his old town next weekend. 

Toodle loo...

Life's Expectations

So I was at the gym today jogging along and my mind got to thinking...about how my relationship with Tom unfolded and the women in my life that helped mold me to who I am and who I want to represent to my daughter...

(the first weekend Gramza visited me in NY, he REALLY liked me =P)



Before I ever met Gramza, I was very content with my life and I enjoyed every minute of it.  I was okay with whatever way it was going to turn out...if I was going to meet anyone or not, stay in NY and anything and everything.  I was able to travel and do the things I wanted to do.  Then I think back to when I met Gramza.  I thought nothing of him being someone in my life...no offense to him but I did think he was a nice person but I was not thinking of inserting a relationship of any kind.  I guess I was content with being alone...but the thing is, when Gramza entered my life everything about our timeline seems so relaxed, everything fell into place, and it was meant to be that way.  And when I found out we were both scorpios, I thought this is either going to work or not.  I'm not an astrological person but it did come to mine.  Needless to say, he makes me calm and became a great addition to my life...our baby's due date is 11/5, which is Gramza's birthday.  If that's not meant to be, than I don't know what is...

I have been very open with not having the maternal instinct...yet and just today I thought to myself, what kind of mother am I going to want to become.  I know there's no wrong or right answer and I thought of the women in my life...aunts, cousins, sisters...and mother's...my mother.  I thought about what she did to raise me and how our relationship is today...and thought that's the mother I want to be.  My ma has always been a woman who is sensitive, always wanted the best for me, gave me her opinions and helped me through everything.  She's a quiet soul who's experience everything from the sun and back.  She handles sitiuations with her head held high and at the same time presents a laid back personality that I adore.  Of course there's differences every now and then but respect is always present.  She's always trusted the decisions I've made and I thank her for pushing us toward independence.  I remember, when I graduated high school, she really wanted me to go to school out of the city.  I went 2.5 hours away to try it out but welcomed me back when I came back home to finish school.  She provided for my siblings and me...everything.  She's a funny woman that makes me laugh and still to this day cooks anything we request.  There's so much more about my ma that I can't even describe into words and that's exactly the person I want to try to become to my daughter.  Another women that I have met recently yet will be apart of our lives from this point foward is Gramza's mom, Mo.  At first it boggled my mind how children can call there mother by her first name, but quickly learned its a sign of recognition.  Not everyone can call her that...my point being and what I've quickly learned is that she helps when she can and is maybe as laid back as my ma.  Blessing, definitely.  Life expectation, most likely.

At this point in my life, I've been the most relaxed.  It's funny because my boss is probably the person that sees me on a daily basis.  She knows everything that's going on and she looks at me and says, "you're so zen"  Maybe I am, but this is where I'm supposed to be.  Right here, right now.

Science Experiment Numero Uno

and so it begins...

Well, we're playing around with our new camera and starting to document.  So it begins...I'm starting to show and I thought it would be a good idea to see if Gramza will grow too.  Ask me again in another month or two and the idea may change...

But here we are at 19 weeks and 1 day taken in the lovely Syracuse, NY.  We met here for family fun weekend and as soon as arrived at the Syracuse airport the first thing that came to mind was...'are we on the set of roseann?'  Yeah, seriously.  But other than that, the weekend was really nice and the Gramza clan is just very...awesome.  Knowing they grew up on watching the price is right, followed by Y&R and sticking to Guiding Light.  I must say my family was on the same schedule...

Now back to resting and getting ready for the new week.  Team blue but really pink =)

Around the world in 80 days...

Well...in my head at least.

We're just about 19 weeks and things are coming along.  We have an apartment and it's just perfect and in Jersey.  The great thing is though, the NY skyline is in our view and the statue of liberty to gently remind us of the freedom we once had =P  All kidding aside, it's a fabulous place.  A park right next door, on the water, two bedroom and two bath, gym, balcony, and I think what sold me was the washer/dryer INSIDE the unit.  I couldn't believe that those existed on this side of the world.  The neighborhood is cute and it's near work, the potential daycare and near the trains to Gramza's work.  That's something to check off the list =)

The baby registry has been created...we're looking into Amazon.com and Target.  Fun!  I just have to get things situated and plan with my mom's schedule...so we're thinking about a Houston baby shower in August since I won't be able to fly after...

Another great thing is that I was going to be taking 3 months off but now it turns out I'll be taking 4 months off.  It's kind of weird to me because the last time I had that much time off was when I graduated college.  It's just because I have to use up my 2011 PTO by then.  Yup, that much vacation and I'm very grateful. 

I'll admit.  I'm human and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed.  There's a lot going on between now and when the baby comes.  Gramza and I have our weekends and plans we have to have things by until August..and to be honest it does get exhausting and sometimes I do get emotional.  But I have a moment and move forward because these things have to be done.  I've always thought of myself as a good multi-tasker...with work.  But to juggle things is a different story but it's getting handled.  I remember during college, I didn't work.  It was only until my schedule cleared up was when I got a job.  The sound of that sounds so easy right now.  I'm just trying to juggle all the balls and hopefully not drop one...we're trying to find a home and create a nice environment for baby girl Gramza, plan our future together, work and meet our deadlines, car, moving dates, baby showers, doctor's appts, etc. etc...all in a matter of months.  No pity here, just a small 2 minute vent session.  My career is to work on projects and meet deadlines and ensure everything goes as scheduled...I lived my life sorta the same way but lightened up a lot within the last year and "just went with it"...talk about an accelerated life project.  But the greatest thing is the support we do have from those we love and love us back. 

Life is life...and this is what makes it worth while.  A wonderful 2011,  new babies are coming into the scene!!