Siblings.

While I've been glued to my bed, it's interesting hearing the conversations and discipline that Tom's been having to do.  Ania and Cameron really mess with each other.

There's a hamper the girls play with.  This particular moment, Cameron was sitting in the hamper and Ania wanted her to get out.  Cameron kept saying no.  Ania kept yelling at Cameron to get out of the hamper.  Cameron doesn't budge.  What does Ania do?  She kicks the hamper and it causes her to get time out.

After Tom took the girls to the book store, they ran into the room to show me their new books.  Ania was sitting on the ground looking through the pages, while Cameron was sitting behind her.  She was pulling on Ania's dress.  I kept telling her to stop pulling on her sister's dress.  Cameron then starts to kick Ania's back.  Ania's just sitting there not bothered by what Cameron was doing.

They then move to the living room (Tom tells me this story).  Ania is doing a puzzle and she did something to where Cameron runs to Tom to tell on Ania.  Tom tells Cameron to just let it go and leave Ania alone.  Ania goes to the bathroom, and Cameron proceeds to Ania's puzzle and mess it up.  Tom tells me he didn't see it nor hear Cameron because Cameron just walked away.  When Ania came back from the bathroom, she asks Tom 'who messed up my puzzle?'  Tom looks, doesn't see Cameron and just tells Ania, 'oh, I tripped on it,  You can just put it back together.'  Ania just says ohhh, ok and starts again.  Cameron on the other hand, is in the other room playing with something else.  She minded her own business but wanted to eff with Ania somehow.

Oh brother...and it's just the beginning.

Cameron's big girl bed

We have started training Cameron in the big girl bed.  So far, she's been doing great!  It's been about a week and we've started the same routine as we do with Ania.  Story time, brush teeth and she hugs and says good night to Ania and Daddy.  I just tuck her in and she stays put.  I thought it was going to be harder because Ania would get out of bed and wander.  Cameron actually stays put.  She'll cry and not leave her bed.  Just cries louder as if she's still in her crib.  I won't tell her she can actually get up and walk out of her room.  Maybe that's why she's been waking up.  Another theory we're having is that she's having a growth spurt.

Bummed

I guess I'm realizing that there will be no pictures on the blog post.  Pictures are covered on instagram and I'm proud to report that I finally ordered Cameron's 1st year album.  Going forward, the albums will be so much easier to create because it'll be both of the girls.  Ania has her first year and Cameron has her first year.  I haven't even started on the combo albums.

Anyway, the title of this blog is named bummed.  I'm writing it as one of my life lessons and hopefully when the girls read this, it'll be one of their lessons they take with him.  Let me give a bit of a background.  I feel like I've been going non-stop since July.  Honestly, I don't remember where July and August went, because I blinked and it was September.  I'm still learning how to balance it 'all'.  It's really hard, but I need to learn.  It all started when I came back from vacation and my first day back I saw a meeting invite from one of my managers titled 'catch-up' at 8am.  Great.  Usually, my first days back it's settling in, not doing anything.  Anyway, I had was given a tight deadline that July, and every week (or every other day in August) was 're-tweaking'.  In between that, my days became the routine of meetings all day, go home, family dinner, family time, putting the girls to bed, then logging back in to do the actual work just to stay 'ahead'.  The last re-tweaking was this past Monday, where my co-worker and I were at the office until 10:30pm because something needed to be done by 11:59:59 that day (inside joke).  It got done, and much less not what I expected to begin my Monday.  Back home, life still happens and Cameron was getting sick and not sleeping through the night so Tom and I were taking turns with her.  Monday, I slept with her.  Tuesday, I worked from home and kept the girls home, Tom on Wednesday and Thursday, Friday was me.  Then BAM.  I woke up very tired.  Still went to work but that night it hit me like a wall and my body would not function.  We were supposed to go to Austin on that Saturday to spend Labor day weekend and I signed up for a sprint tri months ago.  Well it didn't really sink in because I kept telling Tom I should be OK tomorrow for us to leave so I can do the race.  Wrong!

Saturday, I felt worse and Tom had both kids all while calling the hotel to try and get a refund.  I guess having the screaming kids in the background worked because we were able to get a refund.  We lost the admission I paid for the race.  Tom hasn't been sleeping either because Miss Cameron decides she wants to wake up at 4am everyday and not want to go back to sleep.  We usually don't ask for help, but we called my parents to get the girls for the night so we can rest.  It really does take a village to raise kids and I need to get out of the mentality that I need to do everything.

So here I am writing on the Monday of the race.  I should be almost done with the run, but I'm sitting taking this home made meds my mom gave me and sitting in front of an aroma diffuser to break up my cough and rid myself of this head cold headache.  Coughing sucks.  Getting sick sucks.  What makes me so bummed that it's my nature that if I say something I'm going to do, I do it.  I had a set back with these sprint tri's where I backed out but I didn't want to be that person again.  I had no choice that I couldn't do it because I'm sick.  I woke up thinking 'I actually couldn't do this race because of the way I feel'.  But life happens.  Sometimes I won't be able to do something.  so what?  I guess I'll have to wait until next year.  Back to the leadership retreat, the #1 to success was to take care of yourself.  I haven't been doing that.  I need to start and it's funny how your body tells you when you need to.  I just need to get well and I was just bummed because these activities are the things that I do in my 'me' time, but I wasn't able to do it.  I guess I'll just keep 'training' until next season...

Life goes on.  It's no big deal.  Repeat.

Dear Time

Please slow down.  I can't believe the summer is just about over.  Ania is so much more independent these days and Cameron is a 'big girl' in training.

Ania is fixes her own hair and put on her clothes now.  She helps her little sister a lot.  Ania and Cameron have already started bickering at each other and I'm playing referee.  Cameron is about to get a big girl bed.  She's such a girlie girl and cries if I don't put a dress on her.

Life has gotten easier with two kiddos.  It's scary but makes me sad at the same time.

Shout out to 'Leadership'

It's funny how you pray for things and God shows it to you in little things.  Not to dabble to much of what's been going on, but it's been CRAZY at work, which brings the lack of time.  To get a little personal, after I drop the kids off at school, I drive in complete silence and pray until I'm almost at work where I'll listen to music.

One thing that amazes me is how much more religious I've become since I've had kids.  I've always been somewhat religious, so I'll say more faith since kids.  Anyway, I'm blabbing.  Recently, I've dipped my feet into finding the right volunteer opportunities: from work to reading the bulletin every Sunday after church to see anything that's interested me.  I've tried the Young Adults ministry.  I was fooled because I thought they were high schoolers but learned that the demographic is geared toward 20s and 30s.  I started with serving food at our Parish feast.  I felt great afterward and kept receiving news on Young Adult ministry events.  One sprang to mind with there was a (in my words) seminar on Saturday with Fr. Nathaniel about Leadership.  I was really interested because I read his bio:

Fr. Nathaniel Bio:

Fr. Nathaniel is an RPI graduate (Bachelor's in Electrical Engineering, Minor in Mechanical Engineering), worked for Xerox and was aspiring to create his own Fortune 500 Company before God called him to the priesthood. During his years in Rome, he was the founder and executive director of the college leadership study abroad programs at the Universita Europea di Roma. While in Rome, he also helped organize and coordinate the first ever Vatican Executive Summit (June 2011) held in the Vatican Gardens. During this historic event, over 50 top CEOs and international business executives discussed the financial crisis and business ethics in the light of Pope Benedict’s landmark document, Caritas in Veritate (Charity in the Truth). Now in the US, Fr. Nathaniel is the National Business Ethics Advisor for the US Hispanic Chamber of Commerce as well as Houston chaplain for the Lumen Institute (www.lumeninstitute.org). He assists Texas area business leaders through personal coaching and advising in the areas of faith, character (integrity, stewardship, prudential decision making, perseverance) and leadership so as to have a 'Business Plan for Life' and not just their company. He also advises small to large Fortune 500 companies in the creation and application of business ethics policies.

I felt it was really a message sent from the Lord because I've been having a hard time understanding certain things about myself in the professional arena.  I sent it to Tom, he wanted to go so we arranged for my brother to watch the girls while we attended.

When we got there, it was a retreat.  I haven't heard that word since I was about 16.  None the less, whatever, I was excited.  We started with Mass where the priest homily talked about leadership and the ultimate leader we want to become is Mother Mary.  I never thought of it in that perspective.  She opened her heart in order to lead.  Followed by adoration, which is meditation or prayer.  I didn't know that until today.  We had breakfast and a couple of ice breakers to where we were then seated for the priests discussion.  

Fr. Nathaniel asked everyone a say one word or sentence of what they want to get out of this.  Tom said he be a leader for his family.  I said I wanted to understand my greatness.  I won't go into everything he said but some things that stuck out to me is he started with "The foundation of Leadership is to have humility".  Hmm.  I never thought of it that way.  Also, that one thing he's noticed with the CEOs and leaders he works with is that many times, their company's foundation is built on integrity but many times they don't have integrity within themselves to lead.  Another thing about the CEOs was that often times they didn't know their value of their own work.  Listening to his whole speech enlightened and helped me understand that everything he was saying is applied in everything in my life: bring a mother, wife, professional, and so on.  He took a few questions at the end, so I asked him "You were saying that the CEOs you've met , didn't know their value, how did you pass the word to them?  Or what did you say to them to help them see that?"  His answer, "Before asking the question of 'do I have what it takes?', you need to ask yourselves 'Am I the child of God?'  Of course the answer is yes and once you understand and accept and open your heart to him, then the answer to everything else is 'yes'.  He went on but it was that answer where I took a deep breath and knew it was all OK and there is more to life.  A lot more.  He mentioned that after the CEOs career, they are often times bored upon retirement because they didn't find their true calling.  

It was a great day today.  Thank you Lord!

Dear Miss 70th percentile

I'm speaking to you Cameron.  I just took you to your 18-month well check doctor appointment on Friday and you did awesome.  I blame it on the breakfast you had, followed by the popcorn snack, milk and then cheez-it's.  You weighed in at 24lbs, which means you're in the 70th percentile in weight.

You are 31.5 inches, which means you're 30th percentile in height.  You've been coined since that day as our little meatball.  You're a good eater, saying words (mommy, daddy, yes, apple, nana, Ania, milk, water, berries, NO).  You make a pouty face when we tell you no to things and today you actually said 'mine'.  

Dear Ania and 'Ania'

I guess I couldn't stay away too long.  I've decided since I'm using instagram for photo books, then I'm going to use blogspot for 'open letters' to you girls and sometimes stories.  Just words.  No photos.

So why am I addressing this to Ania and 'Ania'.  Well, Cameron, you don't know what your name is just yet.  We ask you 'What is your name?' and you respond 'Ania'.  So this letter is to your big sister and you, but rightfully addressed.  Things seem to always get busier the older you get because I look at the both of you and are no longer my 'babies'.  Ania, you refer to yourself as a 'big girl' and Cameron you are just as busy with everything.

Some funny stories regarding your school.  We have a running joke saying that we get yelled at by the director and we got 'yelled' at again.  Here are some of our 'parent of the year award' moments.

1) Cameron would scream and cry at school.  We were told that once the teachers gave you food, you would calm down.  They have since asked us to give you food before we drop you off.  Thankfully, breakfast is now served in the Gramza Inn.

2) Ania, to get you out of the house, I let you wear any shoe you chose.  This included a red slip on shoe that was a half size bigger.  We were told to drop you off in different shoes because you would start running in one direction and your shoes were still at the starting point.  We've told you that you have to wear sneakers now or mommy and daddy will get in trouble.

3) Cameron, we've been giving you broccoli for you veggie for about the past week to eat with your lunch.  We were told today to stop giving you broccoli and please give another veggie.  Apparently, the face you had when you were given broccoli, was that of a annoyed look (so we're told).  Also, the director has to sit with you during lunch to make sure you eat your veggies.  If you do, you're given a cookie like a good girl.

4) Ania, there was a time I dropped you off with your smoothie plus 2 bottles of milk.  We were told that we're providing you too much milk and that you've been having a hard time finishing them.  And since you have a voice, you've told us when you don't like the veggie we provide with lunch or the dislike of cereal of choice.

5) Cameron, today we were told to put different shoes on because you look like you're hobbling in the hand me down purple sneakers we've been putting on your feet.  We've realized the sneakers are still to big so back to the red sneakers tomorrow.

6) Ania, we've been told to put you in a certain type of training underwear.  This is to make sure if you have an accident, it doesn't go everywhere.

Girls, these are just some of the things mommy and daddy does to try and get the parent of the year award at school.  I'm sure there will be more stories but this is a good start.  :)

So long, farewell

As technology and media progresses, I cannot.  I recently found out that i can turn my instagram photos into a book so I've made an effort to capture memories there.  I won't have paragraphs of stories. I may pop up an occasional story here.  But for now, one media outlet, one me.  See you on instagram!

Princess obsession

She even has a pose down! 

Zoo day hooray!

finally, after all the rain and cold, we got a nice day a couple weeks ago.  We took advantage and took the girls to the zoo.  They absolutely loved it and seeing by the difference of how ania took it in at one vs now wad a huge difference.  It was also cool because all of the animals were out!

Ania was scared of the giraffes and when we went to the carousel, she told me to let go!  Talk about look into the future.  Cameron loved the lions and elephants and was as cool as a cucumber on the carousel.

Dentist

Thankfully, we have a dentist that was open on MLK day so i took advantage of my day off to bring the girls to the dentist.  Both were great!!! 

Ania is now on fluoride and learning how to spit after and not swallow the toothpaste.  Cameron is on fluoride now too but not too much.

We went to the park afterwards and had a great time!!

Big girl class

Ania has started her transition into the big kids classroom.  The class where her best friend Natalia is in.  She loves it!  Every morning she tells me she's going to go on the swings and if there's a certain art project.

One morning she was telling me she was going to make a rocket today. I was telljng her ok trying to rush out the door.  Low and behold, Tom picked her up and she made a rocket.  It was the funniest picture Tom sent me because her face looks so proud and excited. 

When she doesn't like something she always says "mommy, i can't like this"  i deal with the tantrums sometimes but i tell her to try it before she says it. Its hit or miss. Sometimes she'll continue eating but others she won't. 

Cameron at 15 months

Cameron had her 15 month appointment the other day.  Her stats: 23lbs, 29in. In height and 10 in head.  Shes healthy and happy.

She eats everything and wants to always feed herself.  Loves her fruit!  She's cruising everywhere and everything is apple or baby.  She points when she wants something and fends for herself when Ania tries to take something from her.

She's still not sleeping through the night, maybe because of teething?  Who knows... she has her 4 front top teeth and 2 at the bottom. Shes already getting a molar on hwr left back side. Shes been a trooper in the teething process. 

Cameron is adventurous and learning to climb down the sofa.  She's also started climbing to go up the slide and down.

Cameron's personality

Cameron is such a happy baby but don't be fool because she can be out of control sometimes. She's copying her sister, laughs at anything Ania does and also takes a stand when Ania tries to take her toys.  She eats really messy, meaning her dinner usually ends up being on the floor. I feel like she eats non stop. I haven't even taken the initiative to ween her off the bottle.  She's not walking yet but cruising everywhere.

Sleeping through the night has no meaning. She's been waking up and hasn't slept consistently through the night since she was born. She may have a night where she does but we don't mention it because were trying not to jinx it. 

Rocket!

Ania finally moved to the big kids class room. She was so excited that morning because she was telling me she was going to make a rocket. I didn't pay too much attention and then Tom sent me this photo of Ania when he got her from school.  

Anger and Guilt

These feelings are fresh in my mind because we just went through both kids crying at the same time during bedtime and Ania being defiant.   We took away a show and she screams louder.  It has to be done.  I mention the moo moo and she behaves some what. I've never described this moo moo but one thing i know is that she doesnt like it.  So, I'll use it while I can. 

The other one, Cameron, has been teething and has been waking up in the middle of the night and wanting to stay up for a few hours then sleeping at 4am when we have to wake up at 6am.  Not cool. 

These feelings entered my mind a few days ago.  Anger and guilt.  It started with Cameron waking up.  I got her, gave her a bottle, changed her and rocked her a bit in my arms. I walked back to her room where she starts whaling and I'm nervous that Ania will wake up so i close her door.  Walk back into Cameron's room and rock her a bit. She falls asleep and so i lay her down. She wakes up but i am exhausted so i close the door for her to cry it out.  I lay in bed because shes crying and I'm hoping she calms down in a few minutes. I lay there starting to get angry because I'm selfish and tired and want to go to bed.  Then when she finally falls asleep the thoughts of oh should i have rocked her, this that and the other and then guilt slips in.  Also, i start feeling guilty because i got amgry.  Tom's awake so I'm telling him my thoughts and here we are awake at 330am going through these emotions.

Anger and guilt. I have these moments with the kiddos but i have to keep telling myself that it's OK.  It's hard. But it's the extra feelings i guess I've been given having these kids.  Don't get me wrong, they lift me up, make me laugh and i can just stare at them envisioning who they'll grow and become.  This guilt word creeps into my head a lot but i shake it out of there because it's just what needs to done. 

The girls the put me on this emotional roller coaster.

New Years Eve and Day

We spent new years eve at our neighbors house. Literally right next door.  It was nice to jusst walk somewhere and even better that the other people there had kids too. Ania was shy at first but came out of her shell and played with the other kids.  Cameron crawled around everywhere. The kiddos made it til 10pm. We made it barely to midnight, really celebrated ny time because of the ball drop.

New years day we spent it at home. It was rainy and cold so it was the perfect day to do nothing.   Here's to 2015